Foolish Musings
by Xlarc Tsens
Summary: The passing breeze of spring brings a nostalgic reminder of his missing presence. In these last five years, as Rihan's presence diminished amongst the livings, Wakana muses at her foolish recalls of the five summers they shared.


Disclaimer: As stated on the name of this website.

* * *

Foolish musings

A chime, one with such lucidity that I woke from my daze at chores. The petals had already wilted, scattering like that winter evening of our first encounter. Even more, came to my mind, was the mannequin carcass of his immortal self as he laid unmoving amongst smears of his own blood. The moonlit ending of spring was so picturesque and delicate that my welling despair seemed to undermine itself as he began to blend into that scene.

I felt a simple voidance and nothing more. His passing felt no more like the winter fog. Even as I began noticing the tiny gesture that he would have done had he been present, what came to me was not how big a role he played but simply how his presence came across so little.

The melancholy of our lack of interactions only brought forth more questions as to whether I had truly known him. He had been the first to have shattered that cheerful facade of mine, yet behind his I knew only vaguely the events that haunt him. Whether I should have been ignorant or welcoming to that remains unfounded, however, whilst I indulge within dilemmas of the past, I know firmly that he will no longer return.

My marriage to him was but no more than that of five years so why is it that the voidance lingers longer than the time I had known him. Perhaps my superstition of literary emotions was indeed false as many had claimed. But then again, what can one object when a science afflict individual like myself managed to wed into a house of youkai yakuza.

"Preposterous!" as I once may mimic of my teachers, if one had told me that I could easily abandon my studies for a man who lasted all but five summers, it would have truly angered me as I once aspired to become the researcher of science and would scorn at any who wed before the age of 35. How ironic it was to my vow, as I came to rear a child at only 18 years of age.

The fault was mine. I came to know I was not the rational genius several of my mentors praised. It was not until that day that I had even considered myself a population of the female gender. My daily life revolved solely upon the academic foundation at school, I was shrouded in solitude of passion. A dream to be a lone contributor to the society but all that was to end with my infatuation for him.

Foolish gratitude, it was the very cause to my first contact with him. I had for many years forsaken the existence of my surroundings. I knew not all of those that I had supposedly been in class with for several years. It was only my academic competitors and the few who chanced at sitting near me that ever even lingered upon my mind. Still, I paid no heed to recall either, I merely avoided address such individuals with their names and listened attentively if it came to be need to address that individual.

Many times in my childhood, I simply pondered on the route for a successful career. Then it dawned upon me that I had a disbelief of reality, that I was just another young girl way past her chance at that pipedream. Does the tears I now shed belong to frustration or sadness? I know not. It was simply a stand at fending off true solitude. I knew the friends I mentioned to my foster parents were simple acquaintances and that facade I maintain was to keep their worries at bay.

Rihan was my opposite. The only sharing of interest we have ever known would most likely be that of solitude. The content unease that we build around ourselves was to cage away abandonment; it was our identification to each other. Had he not been first to befriend me at that stage, my infatuation with him would most likely have been improbable.

He was the single one to discover me in that accursed fire, the first and last to realize my purpose to such a facade. A pretense of selfishness was the best enactment of one's inability to retain egoism and self-loving. He, too, understood that well, for he directed such hatred in the pertinence of his maintaining the clan at its epoch. My planning to for an end in that fire was dismissed as coming from a mere curse, but that he knew, without fail, that no youkai of any sort play my conscience.

* * *

This is my first fanfiction so I am open to all forms of criticisms. Be it flames or even spams, please be critical.


End file.
